Death of Me

This poem is actually the first of a trilogy…part 2 and 3…should follow in the near future…enjoy!!!

Every time she call...I'm more than ready and I'm willing....to drive out of my way...jus for some sexing and some chillin....might have a heart-to-heart...but more than likely its jus kissing...I wonder when I leave...if I'm the only man she's missin...but yet and still...when I'm wit her I find myself wanting nobody else....like no one else exists...except for her....and me myself.....tell her I'm different....than previous niggas with whom she's felt...won't show her cards...but her actions reflect what she was dealt…....wanted to hold her...console her...show her....I was there to help....as if in vain...I find myself speaking just for my health….wants to believe it...she couldn't perceive it...and chose the lesser...though respectable...she looked at me skeptical....like I was tryin....to test her.....like everything that I done...up until that point....was jus for me to get some…up until that point….to prove my point...when we were alone...I barely touched her...misunderstanding...she kept demanding...that I should fuck her…..she doesn’t know…it took everything for me to think logical….wanted to bend her body….in every way…humanely possible…and the more I thought about it…the harder it became…those vivid images of her…moaning and screaming my name....me sexing her crazy…to me…was a minimal gain…and in the back of her mind…would she view me the same...but since I didn't...her actions different...her shoulder frozen...never holds her tongue....but for some reason...she's no longer outspoken...she couldn’t fathom….that someone like me would have her so open….not enough affection...she felt neglected...her pride was broken....back on the defense…she vowed… not to let me get closer…before it even began…it was already over…not used to leaving…I tried to reason…. as I approached her…wouldn’t have had more luck…if I was made out of clovers…more than a cutie…more like a beauty…she couldn’t imagine….how I could be alone with her…and still let nothing happen….most niggas would have died at the chance…they would’ve got it crackin…she figures….I'd have to be gay…to display so much inaction….and all I wanted…was for her to see the bigger picture…her beauty…wasn’t the only reason….that I had picked her….and if her only concern….was for somebody to dick her….than she could get out and pick out…any typical nigga…I found that since the beginning…it was real evident…me showing her that I'm different…is really irrelevant…so every time we locked eyes…though I had her attention…it was because of how I looked…she never really listened….and now I wonder if…those questions in her inquisition…was jus for me to show my feelings…releasing retention…and at that moment…her face reflected impurity…..dismissing her age….but her lack of maturity…had proven something…that deep inside…I've already known….jus cause it feels right…doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be left alone….all that I hope…is that who she finds…knows how to treat her…cause obviously…who I am…wasn’t enough to keep her….so used to shallow….she couldn’t swallow…someone much deeper…so with that said…I felt it was better to up and leave her…never together…though in this letter…it seems as such….gave her a kiss and a hug…told “mami”…keep in touch….mad at myself…cuz I never thought that Syn would give in…already knowing the outcome…yet I still tried to win…..and all this time…I wasn’t thinking in my right mind….I'm satisfied with my left…cuz it does jus fine….vowing to never…let another…get the best of me…I swear to God…that this woman will be the…“Death of Me” - Syncere

To Be Continued…..